Maybelline New York Great Lash: Great Mascara…Or Great Conspiracy?

I seriously thought I was the only one. I was always too ashamed to admit it. It was almost…un-American. Part of me feared that if I dared utter the very words, disaster would befall me: friendships lost, ostracized by co-workers,  banned from society…

But then I discovered I was not alone. Others, braver than I, brazenly expressed their opinions for all the world to see…and by world I mean online reviews. Allow me to quote a few of the harsher critics, found on totalbeauty.com:

“…this mascara simply isn’t good and is the most overrated cosmetic on the planet…”

“…don’t believe the hype…”

“…Worst product ever made – no idea why anyone would like this. The fame that this product has is one of the best marketing and PR scams I have ever seen…”

Wow. I am talking, of course, about Maybelline New York Great Lash Mascara. The famous mascara with its trademark green and pink packaging has won both the prestigious Allure Best of Beauty award and the Glammies (Glamour magazine’s annual award for best beauty deals) several years in a row. It has been voted the “best drugstore mascara of all time” by millions of women.

So I now proclaim what I think to myself when this mascara wins every year without fail:

I DON’T GET IT!!!!!

This mascara is possibly the worst mascara I have ever tried. Why? It smears, takes forever to dry (God help you if you blink), and by the end of the day you look like a three-year old did your makeup. It. Is. Horrible.

But for some reason, this product is practically an American icon, so I’m pretty much spitting on the Statue of Liberty right now.

So if no one hears from me for a few days, it’s probably because I’ve been kidnapped by angry housewives, held in the back room of a Walgreens, and tortured with eyelash curlers.

But I don’t care. The truth must be told.

If I never see you all again, it’s been an honor serving as your makeup guru.